The House of Sick...

We have been fighting a lot of illness this year. Three weeks ago #2 had strep throat.....2 weeks ago #1 had a virus of some sort for 24 hours...I've been having coughing and sneezing on and off for the past couple of weeks. I've chalked it up to being busy and working in a school where I am surrounded by sick children all week long.

So on Wednesday when #2 complained that her stomach hurt I just thought she had caught a bug of some sort....that night her fever was low grade and we kept her home on Thursday just to be safe. My mom came over to watch her and her fever never really hit over 99.5...until last night. Last night she complained that her head hurt really bad and her joints were all achy...temperature was up to 101 and she started a croupy cough. I immediately worried about her asthma so we pulled out the nebulizer and gave her an albuterol treatment. This opened her chest and she appeared better. We gave her Motrin and off to bed she went. She woke up 15 minutes later....

Now her fever was up to 102 and this was after Motrin....she was lethargic and her breathing was jagged....I started getting scared but tried to stay calm. Hubby just held her and we hoped she would fall sleep and made plans to take her to the doctor in the morning. She slept for 15 minutes at a time all night long...at one point after Motrin her temperature was up to 103. We wet her down with wash cloths and gave her another treatment of albuterol. NO sleep for any of us and it was a really long night.

Got #1 off to school this morning and off to the doctor we went...one swab later and diagnosis was confirmed...that's right folks, my baby has swine flu. I'm scared and have vowed not to Google swine flu any more...after arguing with the insurance company and explaining about her asthma they finally agreed to pay for the Tamiflu....it still cost me $60 with insurance...what a crock but that is a whole other story....

Now her fever is hovering around 102...my house has not been this clean in a really long time....after we came home from the doctor, she slept and I cleaned. We purchased lots of tylex with bleach and I wiped and cleaned every hard surface in this house...I even steam mopped my floors. We have tissues with lotion in them, lots of Gatorade, plenty of albuterol, Motrin and cough medicine...I also bought antibacterial wipes and hand sanitizer. I really hope that hubby, #1 and I can avoid getting it...I hope it doesn't cause breathing problems and she ends up in the hospital....that is my big fear. The doctor said we need to watch that it doesn't settle in her chest. I am so tired. wish us luck, my friends...we've had our share of sickness...I am ready for us all to be healthy again.

Sleeplessness...

When my children were newborns neither was a very good sleeper. #1 would only sleep for two hours at a time and we tried everything that we could think of to make him sleep. #2 was a little better...she would go for four hours but as she got older her sleep patterns got worse. Now at seven she still wakes up periodically during the night and comes in to tell me that she has to use the bathroom or get a drink. Usually I just tell her, "okay" and she goes and does it and goes right back to bed. None of this works well for me because I love to sleep.

I dealt with the sleeplessness when they were younger by going to them. I would nurse them back to sleep and usually fall asleep in the rocking chair myself. Sometimes I would just bring #1 into our bed and we would all just sleep together. It seemed easier to me...we all got sleep and I felt better because I wasn't up all night listening to him cry or trying to put him back to sleep. I remember one time hubby telling me we needed to let him learn how to sleep or go back to sleep on his own. We had one torturous night of "crying it out". It was horrendous and I was convinced we had the only child on the planet who would literally cry all night long rather than go to sleep on his own. We didn't do that again and I went back to waking up when he did and going to sleep in his room or bringing him into our room. Than suddenly, as soon as it began, it ended. I can't tell you for sure how old he was but suddenly he wasn't waking up anymore and would go to sleep without me rocking him to sleep. I didn't mess up him forever and make him a terrible sleeper as I feared. I had trusted my "mommy instinct" and when he was ready he slept on his own.

#2 was a bit better but I went to her too. I love my sleep and it just seemed to make more sense to sleep with them so I could get my sleep. Hubby played along but secretly I think he thought I was nuts. Flash forward to now...I thought our sleepless nights were long over. But....having a puppy has changed all that. Molly likes to wake up and whine. We aren't sure why she is doing this...she doesn't have to go out and she likes her crate but something makes her wake up at around 3am lately and begin whining. We shake the can of coins and say "no" and she stops....for about half an hour and it begins all over again. Usually at around 5 I get up and end up letting her out and than falling asleep on the floor. Again, it's not my first choice of how to sleep but it seems easier. She's only 8 months so we aren't ready to let her sleep out of the crate although maybe it would be easier....do puppies go through separation anxiety? She used to sleep fine...she'd wake up early but would still sleep through. Hubby really doesn't want her in our room so that's out of the question. I really want my sleep so am open to any suggestions...will there be a time when I can sleep again?

Crossroads...

Do not adjust your monitor...this is not a test...I promise you, it is truly a post from me! It's been awhile my friends. I've been reading other blogs here and there but I haven't felt inspired enough to post. I have writer's block and I'm truly not sure the direction I want to take this blog.

This weekend we were cleaning our house and I came across some old journals that I had in one of my drawers. It was fun to read all of my hopes and dreams...I kept a journal in high school, started writing again in college, after we got engaged and than right when we first got married. I stopped for awhile and than picked back up again after my children were born. It was fun to read the journals and but than as soon as they started, they stopped. That seems to be my pattern...I write for awhile and than life gets in the way and I stop. That got me thinking about my now neglected blog.

I started out gung-ho...I started blogging in the hopes of finding moms like me...moms who suffered from migraines but still manged to survive the day to day of motherhood. I found so much more...friendships and stories I couldn't get enough of. I love my bloggy friends. I formed a readership and could count on hearing from people every day. Than time marched on...people got busy and people stopped reading. To be fair...I stopped reading too and stopped commenting so my comments went down each time I wrote. I used to get a high...I got excited when people commented.

But now I've come to a realization....am I blogging for me or am I blogging for you? Who cares if people read and comment or not? I'm not going to get rich off of this blog...I'm not a professional writer. This blog is for me....it's for my children...it's a place for me to vent, cry and ponder. Like my journals of the past it's fun to go back and read. To see how far I've come in this journey called life and how far I still have to go.

So maybe I'm not at a crossroads...maybe I already know in my heart that I'll continue blogging. Maybe the crossroads is what I am blogging for. Maybe it's time to just be real...to not worry about being funny or witty or smart enough or pretty enough. Maybe it's time to stop caring about what others think and focus instead on what I think. Maybe I'm at a crossroads within myself. Maybe it's time to just start living for me and for my family....stop sweating the small stuff and just enjoy this crazy life we live. Is it perfect? No...but like this blog it's who I am. and you know what? That's just fine by me.

It's been awhile...

but not long enough for my tastes.

Yes, my friends, that's right....I have a migraine.

Day 2 of migraine and I'm miserable. Meds are not working...I'm going to try some tylenol pm and head off to bed...wish me luck....

Funkytown!

I should be used to this by now. Every month when I have my "monthly visitor" I feel down. Every month I try to analyze why I am feeling this way and I get frustrated with myself when I can't figure it out. It's got to be my hormones which for some reason in my body just seem to want to cause chaos. I get migraines, I get irritable, I get sad, I feel overwhelmed.

Why does my body do this to me? Why can't I just not feel this way? I feel like I need a vacation and I just finished vacation. I want to lie on a beach and have someone waiting on me. I don't want to have to worry about laundry, cleaning the house, making meals, or going to work. I want someone to do it all for me. I don't want to feel so tired all the time.

Does anyone have any magic dust they want to lend to me? Dust that would make me stop wallowing. Stop complaining. Just make me open my eyes and see all that I do have and stop focusing so much on the negative. I guess the good news is it is my hormones. Rationally I know this....I know that in two days I will be myself again. I just need to push through and wait it out.

And than we all go to sleep!

I am exhausted! My body aches in places I didn't even know I had....School is in session and I feel like I have run a marathon for three day straight!

Middle School is very different...I fluctuate between really liking it and wishing I could be back at my old school. The children had a little difficulty adjusting but each day has gotten easier.

Tomorrow is Friday and boy am I ready!!!

Fast forward!

I feel like the days are flying by. Our summer is over. We live in Florida so technically we have "Summer weather" for about 2 more months but school starts on Tuesday so in the Migrainemom household that signifies the end of summer.

I started back to work two weeks ago and although middle school is very different from elementary school I think that I am going to like it. I've been super busy getting schedules ready for the incoming students and I am the 7th grade counselor so I will know many of the children from my old elementary school. I was scared and nervous the first day but have settled into a routine. I am sure I will be feeling scared and nervous on the first day of school all over again but I know it will all be okay.

#1 and #2 start school on Tuesday and they will be starting in a new school due to the closure of our old school at the end of the school year. They are feeling scared and nervous but saw me go through meeting new people and starting a new job so they know they will be okay too. The whole thing has been a good learning experience for all of us but I can't help but wish they hadn't closed our school. I'm nervous for them but also excited that they are going to have some new opportunities in our neighborhood school.

#2 got her glasses last week....purple frames with sparkly flowers on each side. She looks absolutely adorable. The first day she didn't want to wear them but hasn't taken them off since. My mom ( who also wears glasses) took her to go and get a Vera Bradley glasses case that matches her backpack so that made her simply thrilled. It ends up that she is far sighted but the doctor thinks that if she wears the glasses for a year or two she may not need them anymore if we can strengthen her eyes.

I am trying to take things one day at a time. I know once school starts the craziness usually begins. I truly want this year to be different. I want us to enjoy each day and not just rush through it. Lots of new things are happening...new job, new school, new glasses, new friends. We need to focus on all that we have to be thankful for. So my bloggy friends...what are you going to vow to do more of once the school year starts? I promise to slow down and smell the roses...how about you?

Where is my manual?

Please tell me why there is no parenting manual? You get a manual when you purchase any new electronic...for goodness sakes when #2 got play doh the other day it came with directions and a manual. Why then are parents left to figure it out on our own? Why doesn't someone tell us what to do? Tell us if we are doing this right or if we are messing it all up?

You start out thinking that if you love your children and have the best of intentions than everything will be okay. Than you get further along in this parenting game and you realize that you can have the best of intentions and you can even love your children more than life itself and you can still screw it all up. Why does it have to be so hard?

I just wish that I could protect #1 and #2 from everything. I wish I could snap my fingers and be assured that they would have a worry free life. A good life where they never felt pain or disappointment. Never felt sad, left out or alone. A life where they knew how lucky they were to be alive every single day.

Today we went to the pediatrician for check ups. Everything was routine until the eye exam. #2 went first and she struggled. At first I thought she was playing..everything is drama with her and as she struggled to read the lines I caught myself saying, "come on..stop being silly and read the letters correctly!" My heart dropped when she looked at me...tears were rolling down her checks as she crossed her arms, stomped her feet and sadly stated..."I'm really trying...I just can't see the letters!" That's right folks...my 7 year old can't see. How did I not catch this before now? What kind of mother doesn't notice that her child has trouble seeing?

When the doctor came in...he looked at the results and he looked at me..."Have you ever notice her struggling to see from a distance? Does she complain about blurriness or headaches?" To which my answer was simply.."No". I didn't notice anything at all.

Isn't that my job? Isn't it my job to notice such things? I spoke with her teacher today who also happens to be a friend and she never noticed anything either. She's never complained about not being able to see the board or being able to read her books. For goodness sakes my mom said she was reading off of the road signs in the car the other day. We just got a letter in the mail today that says she qualifies for the gifted program at school. Shouldn't there be some indication that she can't see????

The doctor says that children are really good at compensating. Maybe she just had a bad day and this is all a bad dream. Regardless we will know more tomorrow. She has an appointment with a pediatric optometrist tomorrow at 9:30am and if she sees anything than she will be seeing the pediatric opthamologist at the end of the month. I know it is not the end of the world, I know it could be much, much worse. But honestly, I'm feeling sad, angry and just plain mad at myself. How did I not notice that my 7 year old can't see?

It's official...

One week into the school year and I am already stressed...

I've got to gain some perspective and put my priorities in order....it will all get done, it has to.

I just went running and I am going to work very hard to relax...wish me luck. I really don't want to give myself a migraine....

Happy Birthday to my Favorite Girl!!

Dear E.,

Happy Birthday my little lady! You are 7 today and I can hear you already..."I'm not little mom, I'm 7!" No, you are not little anymore but you will always be my little girl. Wow how the years are flying by. You are my baby and it's hard to believe that you will be entering 2nd grade this year. I know you are going to have an amazing year because you approach life like we all should. Each day is a new adventure. It's almost like each day you wake up and say, "Hello world, what do you have for me today?"

This past year you started ice skating. You love art and you love creating new things. You are a performer and often can be heard singing Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana, Mama Mia or Grease at the top of your lungs as you dance around. You keep up with your brother and love the things that he does like legos and bakugan but you are your own person. A girly girl with a bit of a tom boy thrown in for good measure. You love playing with your littlest pet shop toys and this year you found the world of "Junie B. Jones". I love that you love to read and nothing gives me greater pleasure than to see you curled up on the couch laughing at a good book.

One thing I know about you for sure is this. If you want something in life, you are going to obtain it. Never forget that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You have a headstrong way about you and you want what you want...I hope as you get older you hold onto this characteristic and use it to your advantage. I am so proud of the girl you are becoming. We love you so much Principessa! Happy Happy Birthday!

Love, Mommy