Give and Take...

Part of being married or part of being in a family in general is the day to day give and take. You have to watch your innate selfishness and realize at times that it isn't all about you. It isn't all about what you want only. You have to take into consideration all members of the family and come to a general consensus.

Sometimes this is very hard. Today I am struggling with this give and take. I'm struggling so much that I can feel the anger welling up inside me and the tears on the verge of springing from my eyes. It's silly though and so I write my thoughts out. I write my thoughts out so I don't lash out in anger at those that I love the most in the world. I write to get my thoughts out and organized and I write so I can work through these feelings that I have.

I want a puppy. I don't know why but a puppy is something that I think would bring happiness to our family. She could teach the children about responsibility and we would have another family member to love. Hubby does not want a puppy. I see his point. Puppies take up a lot of time. Puppies chew and shed and bark to go out in the middle of the night. I know all of those things but in my heart or hearts I really want a puppy and I don't know what to do about it.

Awhile back hubby had said when summertime came we could talk more about it. The children and I would be home and could devote our time to raising her right. Yesterday, hubby and #2 and I went to lunch. A pet store was nearby and #2 begged us to go in. I said, "No" because I knew the emotions it would bring up in me. It's hard wanting something you can't have. Hubby said, "yes...let's just look". Well, we saw a puppy that took to us....she was adorable and now I can't get her out of my mind.

Last night and this morning I told hubby how I felt he was being unfair. He can't expect to talk about dogs and take me to a store and than say, "no". He says he is struggling with the responsibility a dog would bring to our lives. The thought of more responsibility makes him freak out inside and brings him to a place in his head he doesn't want to be. I love my husband more than I want a puppy. I don't want him to be anxious inside every time he comes home. This is the give and take. I know if the roles were reversed and an animal brought anxiety to my life he would side with me as well. I know this in my head but in my heart I hold onto how unfair it is that at one point he says, "yes" and than when we get to summertime he says, "No".

How do I get past this? How do I stop wanting something that I want? What's the big deal? Why can't I just say, "Okay...we aren't going to have a pet..no big deal." Why can't I enjoy my brother's dog and my parents dog? Why am I behaving like a child?